| [I] Bush on immigration [message #269234] |
Fr, 19 Mai 2006 20:54 |
|
Picture the scene:
George W. Bush is sitting in his inflatable kiddie pool, playing with darts.
Dick Cheney and Karl Rove enter accompanied, as always, by an ominous
musical sting ("Bum Bum BUM!"). They tell G-Dub what they have been avoiding
mention of for quite some time: the U.S. is inexplicabbly not 110% in favor
of the war in Iraq. George is so shocked he almost drops his slingshot. "But
why?" he asks. "Can't they see that the war is a necessary part of my goals?
The rich and powerful in this country are suffering. I can hear their
cries."
Cheney mops his brow nervously with a thousand dollar bill. Rove is so
distraught that he unconsciously starts rolling around the room on castors
shouting "Exterminate!". "I'm afraid," says Cheney, "that the war in Iraq is
not the only one of your plans that has been somewhat unpopular."
"What else could people possibly object to?"
"Um...pretty much everything. The CIA call records. The torture. The ban on
gay marriage. The attempts to do away with environmental regulation.
Katrina. People can be so argumentative. And there are elections coming up
in November. You need to make some decisions that will distract people."
"I could say 'Stay the course' a few times."
"That would help. But we need some new policies. Something else we can
crusade against."
Karl thinks carefully. "How about illegal immigrants? We can use our clout
with the many fiscal conservatives in congress to spend a fortune on
guarding the borders from people who desperately want to pump our gas for us
and cook our french-fries."
"That sounds great!"
Karl beams. He had gotten the idea while at lunch. He was pretty certain
that the hispanic waiter had spit in his baby-burger with dolphin sauce.
"How much will it cost?"
"Several billion dollars."
"Um...is that alot?"
"Not at all. The merest fraction of what Iraq is costing us."
"Oh, that's alright then. Just out of curiosity, if 110% of the country
isn't behind me, how much is?"
"About 35%."
"Is that alot?"
Cheney smiles kindly. "That's plenty. Now what are you going to do about the
proposal to increase funds to teach math to children?"
"Nah. We haven't got the money."
--
Puck (onstage): I am that merry wanderer of the night!
Peaseblossom (in audience): "I am that merry wanderer of the night", indeed!
"I am that giggling-dangerous-totally-bloody-psychotic-menace-to-life and
limb, more like."
-Neil Gaiman
|
|
|
| Re: [I] Bush on immigration [message #269249 ] |
Fr, 19 Mai 2006 21:57 |
|
This is the voice of the Mystermen. We know you can hear us,
Puck:
<snip>
As my Mum's fond of saying about Rory Bremner, it'd be funny if
it wasn't true...
--
Dave
Official Absentee of EU Skiffeysoc
http://www.eusa.ed.ac.uk/societies/sesoc
"What do monsters have nightmares about?"
"Me!"
-The Doctor
|
|
|
| Re: [I] Bush on immigration [message #269258 ] |
Fr, 19 Mai 2006 22:06 |
|
On 19 May 2006 19:57:45 GMT, Daibhid Ceanaideach
<daibhidchenedelh [at] aol.com> wrote:
>
>As my Mum's fond of saying about Rory Bremner, it'd be funny if
He had a decent scriptwriter.
--
Andy Brown
What happens if a big asteroid hits the Earth? Judging from realistic
simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we
can assume it will be pretty bad. -- Dave Barry
|
|
|
| Re: [I] Bush on immigration [message #269272 ] |
Fr, 19 Mai 2006 23:19 |
|
On 2006-05-19 14:57:45 -0500, Daibhid Ceanaideach
<daibhidchenedelh [at] aol.com> said:
> This is the voice of the Mystermen. We know you can hear us,
> Puck:
> <snip>
>
> As my Mum's fond of saying about Rory Bremner, it'd be funny if it
> wasn't true...
Well, it's neither funny nor true, because it starts out with the
premise of Bush being the one who...
--
+++NO CARRIER
|
|
|
| Re: [I] Bush on immigration [message #273709 ] |
Mi, 24 Mai 2006 06:50 |
|
|
Post removed (X-No-Archive: yes)
|
|
|
| Re: [I] Bush on immigration [message #273773 ] |
Mi, 24 Mai 2006 14:25 |
|
Aleks A.-Lessmann wrote:
> On Fri, 19 May 2006 14:54:44 -0400, Puck wrote:
>
>> in November. You need to make some decisions that will distract
>> people."
>
> What? The Swiss Army Knife of all answers doesn't cut it any more?
>
> 9/11, in case you were wondering, and I nicked it off Doonesbury.
>
> Aleks
Ah, Doonesbury. After all these years still one of the funniest comics out
there. If Trudeau ever retires it will be like Gary Larson and Bill
Watterson all over again.
--
Puck (onstage): I am that merry wanderer of the night!
Peaseblossom (in audience): "I am that merry wanderer of the night",
indeed! "I am that
giggling-dangerous-totally-bloody-psychotic-menace-to-life and limb,
more like." -Neil Gaiman
|
|
|
